You know how people say that when you die, your life flashes before your eyes? Maybe it’s the part of me that is Grace or the fact that I’ve finally slowed my life down enough to reflect, but I have been flooded with memories and experiences lately. I think it might also be because of the huge amount of people that have reached out to me and Tyler over the past 6+ weeks. I’m pretty much terrible at getting back to people right now, but I did want to say how much we do appreciate the messages and cards. I really enjoy these words of support and reminders of fun trips, travels, friends from the past and childhood memories.
Although we don’t get to watch as baby Gracie makes these lifetime memories, perhaps getting more in touch with our own pasts makes us feel more alive. When I go through all the memories…aside from thinking, “wow that was forever ago, I’m old!” I think about how many good people we know and how many new memories we can still make. Tyler and I are constantly saying, “oh, I talked to this person today, and we should really re-connect with them.”
We moved away from Atlanta for about ten years, and had a great experience and met so many people. When we came home, it was kind of a whirlwind with a 23 month old and a 3 month old. It was hectic, and we pretty much slid into home and scrambled to get it together for the next year or so. Once we had gotten on our feet, we already had sort of a routine and weren’t as proactive about reaching out to our old friends….and everyone is always so busy!
Times like these are really truly awful to go through, and there really is no way around that. Re-living a little bit of the past does bring out some new feelings of hope and a vision for the future. It’s really easy to get caught up in the day-to-day and really miss out on some bigger picture stuff when you aren’t in the right frame of mind. I don’t think there is anything more painful to your soul than losing a loved one, someone who should be in your everyday, someone that you saw in your future. Remembering is a way that we honor people who have passed away and the memories we have of them; but what if most or all of the memories haven’t been made yet? What if you are mourning the loss of a future life? Our only physical memories to look forward to with her are bound to be very painful, and that’s a tough thing to face.
When I have the energy for anger or making plans, I hope I can remember to go forward with force and go after the things that bring me joy. Maybe I get to keep part of her tough-girl fighter spirit in me always. What I’ve mostly shared here may be reflective and more on the “beautiful” side, but there’s plenty of the opposite too! I may share or I might save it for my fighter-Grace jet pack to get me going again when I need a turbo boost. There’s a whole lot of spit-fire coming from this one, and the world should know about this girl!
“We must lose ourselves in order to find ourselves; thus loss itself is gain.”
~ Meher Baba